Body image, "bounceback" culture and pregnancy pounds

This is about to be a lengthy, hefty post but hopefully one that engages us all in a better place in talking about the body assumptions and images that come with pregnancy and postpartum. The women's health industry is inundated with conversations on weight. Women are expected to have a baby and almost immediately look like they didn’t. There's a company that literally makes a pant called the "snapback leggings", and one of their posts features a woman saying she feels "super skinny when I wear their leggings." Sit on that for a second. This is the voice that's amplified - the postpartum woman wearing "snapback leggings" who feels skinny in them.

Not often, but moreso now, do you see what those of us in the pregnancy & postpartum athleticism coaching space preach, but this is why we're here:  

The woman who regained core control enough to run again, but whose body composition is completely different than it was.  

The woman who took a .5 mile walk at 2 weeks postpartum because that's the movement that's meaningful to her right now, and that's what her body can handle without symptoms. 

The woman who had a traumatic delivery and took a year of pelvic floor PT and conservative coaching to get back to triathlon confidently, but is still 10lbs over her pre-baby weight.  

No, this culture celebrates skinny and "body positivity" which is really just the celebration of skinny masquerading as "feeling good in your skin"…but there's always a "for now" laying in the backdrop of those posts.

I want to start with pregnancy weight gain.

First, it's supposed to happen. It's stressful no matter what. I gained 20 pounds with Eli, and am at 32 and counting with baby #2 with a little less than 3 weeks to go. This has been hard because I don't fit into my old maternity wear, moving is harder with the extra weight, and it's hard when the weight gain overtakes every part of your body - your bra bulges out on your back, your shorts ride up and barely fit, cellulite rolls up (literally) out of thin air, and clothes are flat out too tight and uncomfortable. For me, that's why this was hard. But for some, the weight gain is really, really hard, and mentally and emotionally consuming. And here's the thing: I did NOTHING different this pregnancy. My activity level was actually probably higher due to chasing a toddler around, I ate about the same, and I actually started 5lbs heavier than I did with my first pregnancy. I did everything the same, and my body responded differently. That's pregnancy, and frankly that's motherhood. It's imperfect, and you can only control so much.

Some women spend most of their pregnancy figuring out how theyre going to handle losing what they gained. Women are counting macros, looking for meal replacements, and eating less on days that they don't workout because they don't feel like the earned it or need the calories. You're growing a whole human. You don't need to earn your calories (you don't need to earn your calories even if you AREN'T growing a human.) If you're struggling with weight gain in pregnancy and postpartum, talk to your doctor and a registered dietician. I won't go into who NOT to listen to for health advice, but I will tell you to go to the people who went to school to tell you what to do with your body when it comes to your weight. It's medical, and it should be taken seriously.  

The comments.

Please, I know it's hard, but assume all people making comments are well-meaning. When someone makes a comment about your body while pregnant assume it's your grandmother and think of how you'd respond. (This said, my grandmother is excessively polite - in her heart, not just her words - and would likely never say anything like what you hear out there but just play along for a bit).  

"You're all belly!"

"WOW are you sure there aren't twins in there!?" "You hardly look pregnant!"

"Must be getting close to the end, right?"

"What are you going to do to lose the baby weight?"

And then there's this simple one that seems so offensive to people, but is truly from a good place - "congratulations!"  

No, no comments are supposed to happen but its inevitable that they will. These are all triggering to people in different ways, but the people saying them usually aren't trying to trigger you. And often they're good friends, relatives, and women who already have kids. It's going to happen, and it's your response that dictates how you feel about them. I'm not going to tell you what to say, but this is something that is within your control.  

Bounceback, body back, snap back -”back” to where?

News bite for you: none of this involves going back. You've produced an entire other human being inside your body that's going to (eventually) walk this earth. Your body is different. Permanently.  

You are now moving FORWARD in a new body. A better one, that performed a miracle. You aren't broken. And you already lost the literal "baby weight" when the baby came out. The rest of your weight after that is your body, that you get to decide what to do with.  

You don't have to love it, you can take the time to mourn what you had "before" and you don't owe anyone your stats - but if you want to post them, do it! Wear what you're comfortable with, no matter how you think it's perceived. Wear the crop top even if your skin is loose. Wear the shorts, even if they turn into briefs when you start moving (guilty, people have mocked my short shorts for years but it's how I'm most comfortable and I seriously. Do not. Care.) Cover every inch of yourself up. Wear a rash guard at the beach over your bathing suit. IT DOESN’T MATTER. Just don't judge, mock, or criticize those who do it differently. This should be obvious but just as the mom community can be so supportive, we also have a tendency to be hard on eachother.  

Steer clear of body back messaging and "getting rid of the mummy tummy." this one crushes me the most. A full CHILD was inside your belly. The goal here is getting back to function and often times form will follow. If form doesn't follow, you have options. But stick to trainers and programs that focus on the mechanics of your core functioning again - not people committed to "closing your gap" or " shrinking the mummy tummy". As with most things in life, if it sounds too good to be true, it is.  

So how do you move forward?

Complete reset.

I've always told women to mentally ditch their pre-baby PR's and start a new list with every new distance you tackle. I saw a post the other day to take it a step further and reset your Garmin/fitness tracker. Make that first run back your longest run yet. Every run and ride that's faster/longer/more powerful after that will set you a new PR. Mentally, show up for the reset as if you're starting over. This part doesn't have to do with weight, but it gives you the place you start. It also puts your focus on function, fitness, and progress, over how much you still have left to lose. The weight loss and physical results will follow the function. And when you're ready to tackle additional weight loss that the upswing in activity didn't affect, partner with an RD and a coach and get a solid plan. When you decide to do this, is up to you.

Don't stress as much about your pre-baby weight, again, take the weight you are after you deliver and start from there. You're not going backwards, and you can't rewind 10 months of your body's hard work to grow a baby. Starting from post-birth weight gives you a chance to feel success.

A bit of an aside, but this one is also big for me: Stop listening to the narrative that breastfeeding will make all the weight fall off.  It adds to the societal pressure of breastfeeding (which I fully support, but isn't always the best option for a mother and baby for a lot of reasons. #fedisbest) This also makes women feel like they'll have to work out sooner and harder to get the weight off if they can't, or choose not to breastfeed. This process is different for everyone. Yes, breastfeeding burns calories, but telling women it will actually cause weight loss is then diminishing to those who don't have this happen. It also creates a stigma that if you don't breastfeed you don't "need" the calories. Calories and nutrients help the recovery process. You can't recover if you're hungry, your body needs food, no matter how you feed your baby, to recover from birth. To re-iterate, I support all ways to feed your child. Fed is truly best, and proper breastfeeding education can increase your chances of success, but for some women, it isn’t the best decision. And you don’t owe anyone a reason for that, either.  

For all women, everywhere, and dudes, this is for you, too: we have to release each other from the pressure to look a certain way, to have a certain body type for a certain sport, to pressure ourselves to meet a "race weight" or to create anything that is prohibitive to each other's comfortable, free participation in sport due to our physical appearance. Athlete knows no body type. Mother knows no body type. These titles do not, and should not, carry a stereotype of appearance.  

Finally, follow people who enrich your journey.

Both on social media and in real relationships. If a social media account, even of a good friend, feels toxic to you, mute it. If you read someone's post and find yourself spiraling into a sentiment that's less than optimal for your self worth, unfollow it. If an account makes you smile, makes you want to repost it, or makes you want to meet the stranger behind it, those are the people you want to follow. Surround yourself with friends, family members and teammates who build this kind of narrative around you and support you when you tear down the bullshit that comes along with the journey of becoming a mother + athlete. Both of those titles are yours, no matter what the mirror or the scale says.