Pregnancy, Parenting and a side of Athlete Brain...in a Pandemic
Maybe I'm late to the party here on blogging about the pandemic, but since it seems we'll be here a while, unfortunately, this topic still seems a little too fresh. I took this photo yesterday when I had hopped off the bike after a desperate attempt to squeeze in 10 miles or so on Zwift after a desperate attempt to cram in some work during my son's nap. Hopeful, but cautious…I finished 8.5 before he woke up. I made him chill in his crib until I hit 9. The me time is important right now, and with so little of it, that extra half mile or couple minutes was a little nugget I really needed.
I grabbed high value snacks (FWIW, Annie's Fruit Snacks and a fig bar, yes, look at all that sugar, I dare you to judge) and went upstairs to wake him up. Mike was out working, and I had a zoom meeting in 40 minutes, so I had to shower and at least make my top half look professional. I got him out of his crib, gated him into the bathroom on a big blanket with a couple toys and books and snacks, and got in the shower. My shower was fast and consisted mostly of him telling me I brought up the wrong "color" fruit snacks. I got dressed and took him downstairs, set up my zoom call, and attempted to participate for an hour. I put on Paw Patrol (GASP! Screen time!) which he normally sits quietly for. Naturally, every time I talked, he screeched over whatever Zuma was doing and kept revisiting me for more snacks or some discussion on the riveting topics on *his* screen. My virtual background and muted volume eventually turned into muted volume and no video at all - while I could listen in and still participate, my constant intermittent chatter to try to keep the interruptions down was likely going to be a distraction to my colleagues. Sound familiar?
It sounds like a lot, because it is.
Let's start with what we know. We all know this is hard. If you have a child at home, of any age, and you work, it's totally unfeasible to think that this is a sustainable way of life. And we all know that, and everyone's workplace is adjusting differently. We know this is challenging for everyone for different reasons. We know that pregnancy and laboring and birthing and bringing a baby home are looking very, heartbreakingly different from what they used to. And we know there's a bigger picture above all of this, but we know that we all still, at least a couple times a day, have to focus inward and take the moments to figure out why our personal situation sucks, and what we can do about it during this time. We can't be good to each other if we can't be good to ourselves, and with little time to be good to our selves, what can we do?
Shower. This won't make COVID go away but I think we can all agree hygiene is key right now, right? After I had Eli, no matter what the day brought me, I showered every day. I left him in a swing right outside if Mike was at work, I always, always, find a way to shower. It feels like a fresh start, even if it happens at night. You can always find 5 minutes to at least rinse off and change clothes. Unless you're pregnant, like me, and running on limited maternity yoga pants - go ahead and put those suckers back on. But bring your kid into the bathroom if you can, safely. But I promise, shower.
Move. I find the days I'm grumpiest and snap at Eli, the dog, the cat, Mike, the food im cooking…everything…are the days I don't move. I do realize, a lot of this audience is pregnant, and I want to encourage you do move in a way that feels good. Unless you're on bedrest or your doctor or midwife has advised otherwise, get out and walk for 20 mins. Do a quick yoga session, even with your kid nearby. For me, I'm still able to bike and run, so getting in a slightly more vigorous 30-60 mins is usually what does it for me. But there are days all I do is the mile walk with Eli on his bike, and often, that's enough.
If you were training for races, keep training. While races likely aren’t coming back for a while with a few niche exceptions, don’t lose sight of the process. If you value your whole life as an athlete off your last PR or your last qualifier, there’s going to come a point where you’ll be disappointed if it hasn’t hit already. It’s bigger than the finisher medal. Maybe ease back to more of a strong endurance base or take this time to work on some stability and some problem areas you’ve ignored for the sake of long rides and runs. But don’t throw the towel in. When racing comes back, you’ll want to feel ready. Have fun with your training in the meantime.
Hold that thought. Social media is a massive connector but it's also wicked right now. If it's too much, tune it out. If you're fresh out of the hospital with a newborn and Instagram's algorithm is shoving postpartum "body back" info and friends crushing it again on their workouts at you and you know you need more time, mute it. If someone posted news you feel is slanted against your morals or politics, but commenting on it will damage a relationship, move on. Sure, make your point on those long arguments when you need to, but, maybe write your response down on your phone's notepad and sit on it for a few hours. I guarantee you'll rethink it after some time away.
And hold the gavel, and encourage others to do the same. No one is the ultimate judge of each other. We're overly reliant on screen time, sugary snacks, baked goods, and some people are posting stuff on social media that's maybe just irking you. Maybe that's their only outlet. Maybe the person is struggling in a relationship and posting their new recipes daily is giving them a bright thing in their life to share. Maybe that person who is excited for their hair salon to open up has body image issues and having their hair done makes them feel complete. Maybe someone couldn't cross the street in time for you because they have an invisible disease like MS or Lyme, and while they're just one person walking and you have your kid in a stroller AND a dog, maybe you have to pull over with your family for a second instead of assuming that person owes you the courtesy of moving. Whatever it is, try, try your hardest to keep the dirty looks and judgement from overtaking your internal narrative.
Check on people. Parents, don't assume we have it the worst. There are people living alone who don't have a partner and/or a child to hug. There are married couples without kids who may be posting their nightly zoom happy hours and seeming like they're having a grand old time, but maybe their relationship is really strained. Check on ALL your people, even if you think they have it "easy" right now. It's not easy for anyone!
And pertinent to myself and others at this moment: If you're pregnant, don't put your health on the back burner, mental or physical. If you need the break, take it. If you're stressed out because your labor and birth situation now has a big question mark over it…will you have to wear a mask, will you have to go alone, will you be able to have visitors…know that this is happening to all of us. Keep notes and take a long list of questions to every doctors appointment if you need to. If you have something wrong that you'd, in normal times, call your doctor for, don't make this an exception. Call them anyway. If you want to change your birth "plan" because of this, give yourself the grace to do that without judgement. More than ever, this is the time to do what makes sense for you, and take some space to be selfish if you have to. There's more unknown than ever for us right now, and we have to take care of ourselves to take care of the next generation.
These things are a combination of advice I've been given, things that are helping me through, and things that seem to resonate with others. I’m guilty as any of us of doing the opposite of these things on occasion but I’m trying really hard to refocus when something comes up. Take care of yourselves, friends, and if there's something that's working for you, leave it in the comments below!
Stay well. Keep moving.
Katie