The BIG DREAM Conundrum
DREAM BIG.
Well what if I just want to dream normal for a while? What if "normal" goals now seem like a reach? You're the only person who can determine what's big for you. Yesterday Lauren Fleshman put up a post that really hit home, and this is definitely a tangent of a small piece of what she wrote, but it sort of flicked the light on for me to put this into words. (You should read it, and also, definitely follow her if you don't.) When you've done the long stuff, the hard stuff, what happens when your goals feel like something "less"? I've sat with this battle professionally and athletically lately.
For anyone who doesn't know, I own another business that I operate full time as an events and fundraising consultant. I recently made a hard decision to go full time with an organization I have been on a contract with for 5 years. It's an exciting decision and I'm thrilled because I love the people and the work and I've enjoyed working for them on contract all this time. But it was hard -because in essence I am quitting my own business, but as you can imagine a business based primarily on in person events has little traction for the foreseeable future. A very good friend told me "it doesn't always have to be hard." I've repeated this constantly lately. Right now, transitioning to in house work will be hard for me, but this year, the goal needed to be consistency and joy in the work…the alternative would be to keep both boys at home full time with me, and that just wasn't what was best for any of us. We all thrive best in this family when we are able to work and play in separate silos.
On the topic of play, my recovery after Eli was hard, but getting back to high level fitness wasn't. I was able to do 13.1 at 16w pp, 70.3 at 6 mos, and a full IM when Eli was 22mos. I felt I had the time, the discipline, and the ability. Not always the energy, but you learn different energy management as a parent. With Emett, the recovery was shorter but the return to fitness has been slow. Racing isn't here in the same form, and I don't have the desire to plug in for another long course just yet without knowing if they'll actually happen. But when I told my coach I wanted to get my bike fitness to a solid place and then get really, really good at the Olympic distance, my brain immediately called that a small goal. But right now, being competitive in my AG at an Olympic distance again feels like a huge reach. It's a big goal for me. But ever since my first IM in 2014, NOT reaching for a long course has seemed unacceptable. This time, I'm actually looking forward to it. I would actually LOVE to get into 70.3 territory again, but time architecture is a lot harder with two kids, a job, and a coaching business.
Choosing what goal feels big to you now is really hard when you feel like you've done everything hard that you wanted to do. This also applies to pace, to post injury, to a chosen hiatus from sport for whatever reason - what do you do when you go back? If you were an age grouper that consistently placed at the top and now you just want to finish the course, it doesn't matter whether you're 3rd or 4th or 74th, if finishing was your goal, YOU DID IT. Nevermind what you did three years ago. No one sees their future in a rearview mirror. This whole thought process also brings up the topic of "justs" in sport - somehow diminishing what you do because it's not the longest available distance, you're not the fastest, or you'll never be pro. We can't forget that those of us who line up by the hundreds and the thousands and pay to come to these events and finish through the entire spectrum of when the finish line is open - we are the heartbeat of the sport.
Set the goal that feels big now no matter how it felt before. It’s ok if it feels small at first. What you focus on, you get more of. Make it big, make it a little scary, and go for it.